whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
