Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize