We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
