i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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