dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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