I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
