All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
