It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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