i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
