you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
