I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
