Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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