I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize