I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
