If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
