Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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