its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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