I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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