so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
