FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
