Who wears a wallet chain?!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
