Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
