Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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