Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
