So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize