these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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