Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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