my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
