Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
