I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
40s are totally the cure
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize