I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize