Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
