I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
