Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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