Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
