I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize