I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
