Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
