I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize