I bet he comes in French.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
