New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
