I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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