The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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