I'm really into asian looking animals
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
