He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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