Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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