Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
