capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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