I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
