No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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