Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
