Non-Jews are for practice
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
