I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
