I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
