Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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