Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My pussy is not your playground.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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