her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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