Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
