I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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