Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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