STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
