You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
