i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
