when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
