I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
