He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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