My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
