low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
