You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
