So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
