i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize