Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
