Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
