he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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