the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
