if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
