OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
