Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I met the friendliest cop last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
