I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
