I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
